Happy Birthday Abigail Rose!
This picture is really kind of lame, Abby’s not even in it– just her (much desired) new Rubik’s Cube and a cute coupon for a date night with her dad. So, I’m going to make up for it with my words.
Old words, but words nonetheless.
Recently, I came across the very first letter I wrote to Abby the night before she was born:
October 26, 2002
To My First Born,
I don’t quite know what I should be writing, I just know that I wanted to write you something to try to explain how I feel at this time. Even now, as we’re days away from your due date (November 3, 2002), I still feel like this isn’t real. Though your movements in my belly are very real right now– you’re tumbling and turning as I type this.
This pregnancy has been just amazing. From the day we found out we were pregnant, to this very moment, I have thought about you endlessly. I wonder what you’ll look like, whether you’ll have your father’s striking blue eyes and strong cheekbones, or my brown eyes and curly hair. And I wonder what your personality will be like– if you’ll relish in laughter and relationships the way I do and if you’ll love as strongly and deeply as your father and I have learned to. I wonder what you’ll be like as a teenager and if you’re anything like your father and I were, I wonder how we will ever survive (more on that when you are older!!!). And even though the doctors are 96% sure you are a girl, I still wonder about that. None of this really matters, because no matter what, you are ours and I love that more than anything. I’ve loved you since the day they showed us your tiny heartbeat flashing on the ultrasound screen. Each day since then I have only felt my love for you grown stronger and more protective– and we haven’t even met yet!
It is a strange feeling being pregnant– knowing you’re carrying a life that you will be in charge of for the rest of your life. It’s surreal feeling the fluttering movements, the strong kicks, the tumbling of a tiny body that you created. It’s the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. And while I have been complaining the past few days it is only because I want to meet you so badly, I am ready to help you begin your life with us. Your father has been so patient and caring with me, and I know I drive him crazy with every whine and complaint, but he is so wonderful and does what he can to make me feel better. I only hope you understand someday just how amazing he is. And though we’re both going to be new at this, I just know that he is going to be a great father, and if you are indeed a girl I am already jealous of the relationship I know you will have. I can only hope it mirrors the relationship I have with my own father.
You are so lucky already. I need you to know that. I go into your room each day and smile because I know you are coming into this world with so much love surrounding you. I just want to make sure you know that.
I love you forever.
Mom